We’ve Got a Situation: Dating in the 21st Century
Dating apps have amplified hookup culture by providing a platform where users can quickly and easily connect with people in their area. With options to find potential partners, one-night stands, or something in between, dating culture has shifted rapidly. Hookup culture has usurped the salience of committed relationships once held decades ago. Since dating apps make it easier to find partners who share similar interests and desires, casual sex encounters have become a key component of sexual exploration for the younger generations. Additionally, due to the anonymity allotted by platforms like Tinder and Grindr, users can be more open about their sexual desires without fear of judgment. So often, dating apps like Tinder are used primarily to scope for sexual partners, not long-term emotional commitments
Even the language surrounding dating has altered dramatically. In the past, we saw people describe themselves as enduring “romantic entanglements” and having “lovers” on the side. Now we hear people struggling in “situationships” – Those unable to commit to a serious, exclusive relationship may meander all the feelings and prospects of a monogamous connection, but lack a solidifying label and emotional authenticity. One reason for this is largely in response to dating apps. Instead of going steady, we see talking stages become expanded as people engage with multiple potential partners at once. Seriousness has become trumped by triviality as hookup culture surpasses deep authentic connections. It is evident through our fast paced culture, Gen Z lacks commitment in the dating realm. So instead of committing to a relationship, people endure a fraction of the feelings, physicality, and admiration of a relationship in secret.
Dating culture is incredibly nuanced nowadays and lines have become separated between emotional and physical intimacy. While situationships can be beneficial for those who are not keen on serious relationship, they can lead to confusion and hurt if expectations aren’t clear from the inception
The term “situationship” is believed to have originated in the late 2010s, in an article for Cosmopolitan. Since its coinage by Carina Hsieh, the status has since been adopted and popularized by Millennials and Gen Z alike. A situationship is an ambiguous, undefined relationship status that falls somewhere between a casual relationship and a serious one. It is typically used to describe romantic engagements and hookups without the commitment of an official label such as “boyfriend/girlfriend”. Situationships differ from traditional engagements in that they often lack the same level of mutual understanding – frequently leading to misplaced feelings and desires. They may also involve less communication and emotional investment than what is traditionally expected from a couple in a committed relationship. Lack of emotional intimacy may be appealing to people who want the benefits of being in a relationship without the associated expectations or obligations.
Situationships can be harmful in the realm of emotional attachment (or lack thereof). Often, two people lack the status of a committed relationship and therefore lack the communication that typically comes along with the label. Without the safety net of commitment or a shared understanding of the boundaries between them, it can be difficult to communicate authentically and effectively. By contrast, there tends to be an informal arrangement to engage in physical and/or sexual activity. These types of interactions can lead to one party developing expectations of a deeper connection, which can cause unnecessary confusion and heartache. In addition, feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and mistrust may prevent either person from engaging in meaningful relationships going forward. Situationships can create abandonment wounds in those lacking a secure attachment style. So while engaging in casual hookups may be thrilling at the time, the aftermath can be problematic for healthy interpersonal relationships.
However, situationships offer an opportunity for individuals to explore their sexuality in a safe and repeated context. People can learn about their bodies and sexual desires without the pressure or expectations associated with monogamous commitment. Whether you are emotionally closed off, freshly broken up with, or simply not looking for a romantic partner, situationships have an appeal. As such, this kind of engagement can help people learn more about what they do and don’t want from future partners. Situationships can teach the importance of setting and upholding boundaries while still being able to walk away if needs are not met. Ultimately, some may argue that this type of association can help individuals become better equipped for healthy engagements down the line. That is, if effective communication and transparency is present from the get go. Once clarity is established, the likelihood of a proactive situation is conceivable, not absolute. Generally casual hookups lack serious discussion to avoid unwanted conflict and thus, the dynamic grows unhealthy until someone ghosts (leaves with no notice).
With a lack of commitment, parties can leave at whatever point without the turmoil of an official breakup. Going from strangers to lovers and strangers again following a blowout of a relationship is damaging – if you stay quasi strangers there is a line of thought that the pain will not follow. Additionally, people can continue dating around to find their “perfect match” – though there might not be such a thing, Gen Z likes to keep their options open. Does this make situationships a net positive or simply an excuse for non-commital types to use people for their personal gain? Who truly wins in these scenarios? And can these types of scenarios be balanced? All of these questions should drive the younger generations’ introspection into what they are looking for and how they treat romantic prospects. While it is unlikely there will be a resurgence of the swooning romance of past generations, where will the dating scene go from here? How can it possibly get more casual than a situationship and how will this negativity affect one’s self-worth?
