Making Love Accessible: Accommodations as Acts of Care

The word "accommodations" is typically sanctioned towards education or the workplace. However, they can and should be present in all corners of life - including romantic relationships.

My girlfriend was diagnosed with ostesarcoma, bone cancer at age 18. Today she has a 15 inch internal prosthetic leg. I have a neurodevelopmental condition that promotes hyperactivity and attention difficulties that dysregulates my nervous system.

We are an unconventionally comedic, John Green-esque couple, full of disabilities but even more so, love.

I accommodate her by getting a phone charger when she leaves it upstairs. She accommodates me by suggesting activities when I'm understimulated. We know each other's regulatory needs just as they are baseline needs like getting one another a cup of water.

Accommodations should not be looked at as enablement, coddling, or anything remotely negative. Accommodations allow us to show up as our best selves as independent people and for our partners. Making it clear what your needs and boundaries are is an important part of establishing trust early on in a relationship.

Accommodations are an active, compassionate way of speaking your partner's love language. Just as quality time may be important to one person, while physical touch is important to another, accommodations cater to each individual's needs. They say "I see you, I hear you, and I want to make you as comfortable as possible."

In a world filled with judgments and misconceptions about disabilities, accommodations can be a radical act of acceptance. An intimate reminder for your partner that you embrace them fully. Accommodations aren't meant to "fix" anyone, but to nurture an environment where both people can thrive as their true, authentic selves.

At the end of the day, relationships are about compromise. Accommodations simply level the playing field so both partners can engage equally, without unnecessary barriers. They allow love to flow freely, not obstructively. By openly communicating and responding to each other's needs, accommodations help nurture understanding and mutual growth.

For me and my girlfriend, something as simple as getting her phone charger when she leaves it upstairs, letting her use my chair to lay her foot on, calling ahead to make sure a venue has seats - are all acts of care and understanding. I always will get extra steps in for her - it's not a burden, but a joy. I'm so grateful that through small gestures like this, I can help make her feel comfortable being her whole self around me . Most of all, accommodations are an actionable way of showing love.